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Transforming Our Lives through Self Reflection and Psychology
A psychology professor's collection of lessons fostering self-discovery through online activities, hands-on classroom experiences, engaging lectures, and effective discussion prompts.
Humor
Being a Grad Student and Professor
Humor about being a graduate student, professor, or scientist.
I absolutely love being a professor. And I loved parts of grad school. Still, there's a lot of ways pursuing a life of the mind isn't like the ideals we could have in our minds. And maybe it's worth recognizing the absurdity of our choices.
Chidi teaches Eleanor Ethics, The Good Place
My absolutely favorite media portrayal of a professor ever!
“
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Interested in Grad School?
What's the Difference?
What’s the difference between a psychology doctoral student and a large pizza?
The large pizza can feed a family of four.
attributed to Steven Universe
The large pizza can feed a family of four.
attributed to Steven Universe
You Might Be a Grad Student if ...
You just might be a graduate student if ...
... you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
... your office is better decorated than your apartment.
... you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
... you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
... you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
... you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
... everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
... you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
... you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
... there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
... you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
... you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
... you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
... you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
... you consider all papers to be works in progress.
... professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
... you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
... you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
... you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
... you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade."
... you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
... you often wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
... you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
... you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
... you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication."
Dan Horn, University of Michigan
... you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
... your office is better decorated than your apartment.
... you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
... you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
... you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
... you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
... everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
... you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
... you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
... there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
... you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
... you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
... you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
... you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
... you consider all papers to be works in progress.
... professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
... you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
... you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
... you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
... you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade."
... you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
... you often wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
... you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
... you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
... you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication."
Dan Horn, University of Michigan
How to Identify Scientists
Chemistry Professors: Wears a white lab coat. This may actually be clean but does not have to be. P-chem profs have a brand new coat that has never been in the lab; polymer chem profs have strange glop on their coat, and intro chem profs have acid holes.
Physics Professors: Wears blue jeans and a flannel shirt. May sometimes forget to wear shirt altogether. If a professor is wearing blue jeans and suspenders, ten to one he is a physicist. Physics profs often have German accents, but this is not a distinguishing characteristic. Be wary of psychologists with fake Viennese accents which can sound similar to the unwary.
Biology Professors: Sometimes wears a lab coat, though usually this is the sign of a biochemist. Marine biologists walk around in hip boots for no explainable reason, even in the middle of winter. They are apt to wear grey slacks and smell like fish, as opposed to most biologists, who smell strongly of formalin. Microbiology instructors go around in spotless white coats, refuse to drink beer on tap, and wipe all their silverware before using it. Never loan money to a bio prof, no matter how much he asks.
Computer Science Professors: Most CS profs are from India or Pakistan. You can tell by the gestures and accents. This is not a bad thing, though many of the American CS professors tend to pick up Indian accents which confounds more specific identification. Like mushrooms, CS students only come out at night, and, if not Indian, tend to take on a pasty appearance. CS professors do not use computers and therefore can be easily identified by their comparative good health with respect to their students. Many CS professors do not even know how to use computers, and are actually mathematicians or psychologists in disguise. Avoid these people.
Mathematics Professors: Math profs are like physics professors except without any practical bent. A math professor will have only books and pencils in his office, as opposed to the piles of broken equipment that physicists keep. Mathematicians scorn the use of computers and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in restaurants. The easy way to identify a mathematician is by the common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left as an exercise to the student..."
Psychology Professors: Psychologists are not real scientists, and can be easily identified by their screams of protest whenever anyone questions whether psychology is a science. Psych people have beady little eyes and don't laugh at jokes about psychology. If you are not sure whether a person is a scientist or a comparative religion instructor, he is probably a psychologist.
Scott Dorsey, NASA
Physics Professors: Wears blue jeans and a flannel shirt. May sometimes forget to wear shirt altogether. If a professor is wearing blue jeans and suspenders, ten to one he is a physicist. Physics profs often have German accents, but this is not a distinguishing characteristic. Be wary of psychologists with fake Viennese accents which can sound similar to the unwary.
Biology Professors: Sometimes wears a lab coat, though usually this is the sign of a biochemist. Marine biologists walk around in hip boots for no explainable reason, even in the middle of winter. They are apt to wear grey slacks and smell like fish, as opposed to most biologists, who smell strongly of formalin. Microbiology instructors go around in spotless white coats, refuse to drink beer on tap, and wipe all their silverware before using it. Never loan money to a bio prof, no matter how much he asks.
Computer Science Professors: Most CS profs are from India or Pakistan. You can tell by the gestures and accents. This is not a bad thing, though many of the American CS professors tend to pick up Indian accents which confounds more specific identification. Like mushrooms, CS students only come out at night, and, if not Indian, tend to take on a pasty appearance. CS professors do not use computers and therefore can be easily identified by their comparative good health with respect to their students. Many CS professors do not even know how to use computers, and are actually mathematicians or psychologists in disguise. Avoid these people.
Mathematics Professors: Math profs are like physics professors except without any practical bent. A math professor will have only books and pencils in his office, as opposed to the piles of broken equipment that physicists keep. Mathematicians scorn the use of computers and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in restaurants. The easy way to identify a mathematician is by the common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left as an exercise to the student..."
Psychology Professors: Psychologists are not real scientists, and can be easily identified by their screams of protest whenever anyone questions whether psychology is a science. Psych people have beady little eyes and don't laugh at jokes about psychology. If you are not sure whether a person is a scientist or a comparative religion instructor, he is probably a psychologist.
Scott Dorsey, NASA
So You Want to Get a Ph.D.?
I think this video might be the first viral animated video on the internet, at least among academics. Please remember, jokes are only funny because they're true. If you're an undergraduate and considering a PhD, this blog is required reading: 101 Reasons Not to Go to Graduate School (off-site).